The first day of February

I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could tell you all my worries and fears.

However, that question in my previous blog post still lingers and unfortunately, no answer yet. I still have to gather my thoughts and reflect on it. Think really hard about it. I wonder why I can't think about it too much, maybe I know the answer already, deep within... but I can't see it. Do I have to dig deeper?

The first day of February is not good to me. This is going to be one hell week and to think it's only Wednesday.

Why should life treat me this way?

I want to scream and cry my eyes out.

I want to live but I don't want to feel anymore.

I wish you're here, guiding me like a ****** should since I was born in this world. I wish you could help lighten up this emotional baggage that I've been carrying the past years. I'm sorry, I am still not ready to reveal who you are. I don't want them to think of you in a bad way, even though you deserve it.

Why now? Why should I think about all of these things now? What is wrong with me?

Somebody help me find the answer.

Dear God, give me a sign or an answer. Both will be very much appreciated. You know my worries and my fears, you are the only person who knows what can make me happy and bounce back. Help me.

I yearn for normalcy... how long should I wait? How long should I suffer?

Questions in my head

Is it possible for a person TO LOVE but not show it? 

No, I'm not talking about the kind of love you are thinking now, not the "boyfriend-girlfriend", "wife-husband" relationship.

The past few weeks revealed a lot  of things and I don't know what to feel or think about it yet.

It's like I am lost in my own mind, trying to analyze things but just can't do it. It's like when I am ready to analyze it or even think about it, my mind goes completely blank and I will just forget about it. Maybe because I don't know the answer to it yet... Or I don't want to know the answer to it.

Oh God, I need to clear my thoughts. I want to write in a small cottage right in the middle of nowhere or maybe in front of a lake or something. I just want to write, write and write without any distractions. I just want it to be quiet... even for a couple of hours.

I hate this feeling.

Hello 2012

It's the New Year and I know all of you have new plans and new goals that you wish to fulfill by the end of this year. For me, I only have simple wishes and I won't tell you about it. :P 2011 was great but I hope for a greater year ahead. I have been through a lot the past year and those things made me realize a lot of things. I can say now that I am currently looking or finding myself, knowing more about ME and loving ME. Don't ask questions, I am not yet ready to tell you everything that happened.

Today is the first day of 2012, and it seems like every person in the world will wake up late. Did I mention I hate Sundays? Especially the day after December 31st? And also, we all know that tomorrow is Monday and we are to go back to our normal lives.

I am so grateful that I have a loving and supporting family and friends who are there for me through thick and thin. I am really so lucky. Here's to a stronger and fearless me!

So, I'm ending this post by wishing and hoping that we all have a great year ahead. Let's have a great 2012. :)